I got home last night and I was just D-O-N Done. Over the course of the day, I said good-bye way too many times. In fact, I described my day yesterday as saying good-bye, sitting, good-bye, sitting, good-bye, and sitting.
In the airport in Miami, we got to see Teddy and sort of get the news that Emily hadn’t made it because her visa expired as Teddy mouthed and motioned through the inch-thick soundproof glass forcing him to go the long way around through customs instead of to where we could actually speak to him at the gate. Then Bryan left us to head for his short hop to Tampa, and on the thirteenth good-bye of the day, I just about lost it.
It was really good to see my mom in Raleigh and to finally say “Hello.” I talked her into letting me drive home so I would have something to do. I was just in a weird mood and needed to accomplish something rather than sitting for another three hours and thinking about how much I just don’t want to be here.
Not that I’m in just this huge “Fight” mode or have a bad attitude or hate the States or anything. But I’ve been saying for a week that I wasn’t ready to go, and I definitely have not had enough down time yet to be feeling ready to process my experience with anyone here. Even in the airport yesterday afternoon, we really didn’t even talk about anything meaningful about the last 3 months or the next few days, and just enjoyed our Dr. Peppers for a few more minutes of relative silence in the appreciative presence of friends who “got it.”
I got to see Billy and Lydia last night, and when I drove MY car (emphasis as a reminder to my brother) home I called Matt Smith at the house. I’ve been calling the States from that phone all summer, but it’s still a strange sensation that I can dial my cell phone and someone in Ecuador picks up. That was when I got the full story on Emily being stuck and just the last bit of Matt and Lane being in South America and Matt’s thoughts on that and me getting to say out loud how totally weird it is to be home.
I also had a chance to go over to Mike’s house and talk to Mike and Laura and Mrs. Dwan, which was good, but I was so shot at that point from antihistamine and lack of sleep that it didn’t last long.
This morning I feel rested, but still just weirded out that I’m even here. I can’t wait to call and talk to everyone else as they get home and at least have a sense of understanding and a similar experience. I’m glad Jerry is here, but I feel like he and I still have catching up to do from the fact that we hardly saw each other whenever we had teams on the ground, and I know it’s going to be hard for both of us when we get put on the spot together and people expect us to have one collective experience that is in truth not remotely the same in most places.
Overall, I’m just a little overwhelmed and I’d like to find a rock to hide under at the moment, but I have a really good processing opportunity that I will take advantage of tonight and I have absolutely no obligations right now until school starts.
